Why Do Relationships Always End Up Hurting Me?
Relationships, how complicated, don’t you think? Source of pleasure, fear, hope, pain, nostalgia, hate … wells of intensity, colors and shades. Relationships are sources from which we drink since we are little, and which we are not always able to choose. It is no coincidence that we all know one or more people who in terms of relationships are a real disaster.
A disaster because they do not know how to identify people deserving of their trust by confusing them with those who do not deserve it. Self-centered people, those who follow the pronoun “I”, always, inexorably, the same pronoun “I”, as if they were playing with a “yo-yo”. To the point of transforming himself into that toy, broken, destroyed by his own inability to get out of that dead end, victims of forces that they themselves have created.
The wounds that arise from relationships
Experience teaches. If we have touched an object that has burned us, we should not touch it a second time. However, there are those who do. Rare and particular cases of people who need to make sure a second time that their sensations are not wrong… burning themselves, like this, again. They are people of great goodness, whose number of second chances granted is directly proportional to the amount of their goodness. And they still burn where they were already burned.
Let’s imagine, however, that this is not the case and that only one burn is sufficient. We would find ourselves at the opposite extreme of the cases just mentioned, beginning to harbor mistrust of anyone. This way, we would end up wearing a very thick pair of gloves that don’t let the heat through. We would display a protective shield in front of all the people we meet in our life.
Those who act like this compare and live with others, but they always do so hidden by a veil of fear and superficiality. The gloves he wears prevent him from receiving the heat that others disperse, that human warmth that is good for everyone. In these cases, two things can happen: that this person gets used to the gloves and does not take them off, giving up that heat forever, or that he does not go back to wearing them and wants to get rid of them.
This desire acts as a strong emotion, an emotion that is contained or compressed for too long to prevent its energy from hitting us. It is a pressure cooker ready to explode at the most unexpected moment. Consequently, the person wishing to remove these gloves will end up doing it impulsively, without meditating on how high the temperature of the object he is about to touch can be.
What can I do to reduce the risk?
We use the other senses, we observe how a person behaves towards others. A person who criticizes others behind his back will do so with us too. A person who doesn’t care about the people who love them won’t even care about us. A person who is used to lying to protect himself will do it with us too. Whoever sees others as a tool to achieve his goals will involve us in his machinations if we get too close.
It is about going beyond what these people show on social networks or in their speeches. It means understanding them as a whole and seeing how they react to our manifestations. The important thing is not to be stubborn about a puzzle that the other has already rigged. It’s about really understanding that person, if we like him and if we want him to be part of our life.
Before approaching a person and deciding to want them with us (giving them our full trust), it would be better to know their history or at least a good part of the common thread of their past existence. How did you face the challenges that life has placed before you, what choices did you make for your personal development, what are your future ambitions and what would you be willing to do to achieve them?
There are people who burn
There are indeed, however much faith one may have in the goodness of mankind. Whether for genetic reasons or due to circumstances, there are people with enormous destructive power. Unfortunately, they are often experienced in masquerading and who know the story of the frog all too well. The frog that got into a pool of cold water and was unable to get out in time when the water temperature began to rise.
Many people are like the cold water of history: once we have our trust, they begin to raise their temperature until they burn us, and we are unaware of it. So when we decide to remove our hand… very often we already have deep injuries.
In light of this, it is necessary to understand that people are dynamic and changing, as is the world around them. We are not telling you to become paranoid and constantly evaluate your personal relationships, but to understand that it is necessary to identify the changes so that they do not go unnoticed however gradual they may be.
