When You Feel That It Is No Longer Your Place … Fly Away

When you feel that you are no longer loved, you fly away. When you notice that your mind is no longer being stimulated or your soul is no longer luminous, you fly away. When you catch false words and tense contempt, walk out the front door with your head held high. Always remember that nothing grows in rotten places and that you need to bloom and fly high.

If you think about it, you live in a culture where you have been taught that resisting is brave, that there are things that are best put up with and not comment on, because life, relationships and even work itself are hard. However, you must be clear that masochism is not synonymous with courage. So much so that hardly anyone feels pleasure when they are hurt, despised or deceived. The real heroes are those who dare to say “enough”.

Nonetheless, another big human problem is that they have a conservative mind by nature. Neurologists, for example, tell us about a concept that is as interesting as it is complex. This is the information economy, which means that when people assimilate a value or a belief, they become obsessively and permanently attached to it; for this reason, resistance to change is so complex.

No one can take flight after maintaining a loving relationship with someone who has been the center of their world. We cannot tear our roots away from a scenario that, until recently, has given us values ​​and a certain vision of ourselves. However, nothing is worse for our physical and mental health than continuing to fuel self-deception.

We propose that you reflect on it.

When going round and round prevents us from flying

Anthony de Mello was a psychotherapist and he left us really interesting books in which you can capture the typical magic of great storytellers. One of the aspects on which he worked the most was undoubtedly the resistance to change. According to him, many people live up to their necks submerged in “pools full of toxic and nauseating substances”.

Instead of escaping as soon as possible from such an unpleasant context, the human being is concerned only with “not making the waves rise”. This is a very graphic image that invites us to ask ourselves why we struggle so much to adopt a bolder and more courageous attitude to emerge from these scenarios. Somehow we try, but we don’t always do it in the best way.

With an interesting study published in the journal Current Biology,  a curious fact has been shown that should invite us to reflect. When people get lost, instead of walking in a straight line to find a way out, they go around in circles. As we said at the beginning of the article, our mind is conservative and this is because the brain does not like risks, leaps into the void or risky strategies. Before he finds an exit, he will force us to go in circles.

This data, however, should not discourage us. This is normal. In the presence of certain characteristics or situations that we should change, we start a series of attempts in which we constantly feed the same circumstance, without realizing it. However , we are “on the move” and, sooner or later, we will activate an inner navigator who will show us the correct way out.

So much so that sometimes it is enough to look up, up there where there is only calm. Up there where the balance of a serene immensity can give us the answers we need to fly.

Explain your a li and take flight

We are sure that not even you are lovers of stillness. Living in rotten spaces where love is not authentic, where you have not been valued for a long time means feeding the flame of masochism and pain. Why revive these flames? Why practice the cult of unhappiness and submission? Spread your wings and take flight.

Feeding these behaviors will gradually transform you into sad beggars of disaffection, into gloomy puppets that other people will delight in manipulating as they please. Losing one’s dignity in this way is not worth it; for this reason, it is convenient to reflect for a moment on the following proposed strategies.

Strategies to foster change and spread your wings

Your emotional survival necessarily involves dealing with attachments. You know that no one has educated you in the language of farewell; nevertheless, knowing how to close certain stages is part of life and, in order to move forward, you must know how to give up what hurts, what is no longer needed, what does not make you grow.

• Learn to be responsible for your life. Take the reins without waiting for a savior. No one can love you more than yourself, no one has the right to separate you from what hurts you except that formidable being that is reflected in your mirrors.

• Mourn the loss. You have the full right to vent your pain, because disaffection hurts, but knowing that you are no longer useful in your job or any other situation or that you are no longer appreciated in that bond hurts. Let it out.

• Make a plan for your near future. Do not make the mistake of just thinking about “what will become of me” or “all is lost”. Check the fatalistic ideas and plant seeds in the present, thinking only of the near future. Never get up without having a concrete, defined, satisfying and easy to accomplish goal.

• Create simple rituals. When frustration or despair are felt, rely on appropriate rituals, those that can help you. Go out for a walk, make an appointment with someone, draw, write, read, run. Exercises of this type are designed to break the cycle of obsessive thoughts by means of cathartic and healing activities. Heart rituals to clear the mind.

Sometimes it is enough to make simple visualizations. Imagine yourself as you would like to be: free, relaxed, with a calm soul and receptive to all that tomorrow has in store for you, to the happiness you deserve. For this, fly away.