Key Elements Of Assertiveness

The key elements of assertiveness are very simple. They are based on respect, humility and the desire to live better. Of course, learning to be assertive takes effort, but it will be rewarded abundantly. It will allow, in fact, to achieve a less complicated and more satisfying existence.

Assertiveness is defined as the ability to communicate frankly, directly and kindly. Without reacting or causing suffering to others  and without omitting or refraining from expressing what we really mean. It is a skill that is halfway between passivity and communicative aggression. In passivity there is inhibition. In aggression, silence or cancellation of others. Assertiveness is right in the middle.

Knowing and applying the key elements of assertiveness helps us to express what we want, but also to say “no” and to negotiate differences without attacking anyone. It is an essential skill to have and preserve good communication with others and, therefore, good human relationships. Let’s see below the five key elements of assertiveness.

Key elements of assertiveness

1. Flexibility

We usually learn to behave passively or aggressively in communication throughout our lives. There are many nuances but, usually, one of the two extremes predominates. Over time, we realize that both of them create problems for us.

That’s when flexibility, one of the most important elements of assertiveness, has to come into play. Being flexible means realizing that just as we have learned to communicate inefficiently, we can learn to be assertive. But we can only change when we understand that we are able to shape our behavior to be better and happier.

2. Adequate mental response pattern

We are full of mental schemes. The most important, however, are those that relate to ourselves. They include a particular way of seeing and treating us. They also contain the set of expectations regarding our work.

When the mental pattern of ourselves is negative, it is more difficult for us to communicate adequately: we will hope that they impose something on us or impose something. One of the key elements of assertiveness is precisely that of building a good attitude towards what we are and what we do. This will allow us to respond more intelligently to external questions.

3. Knowing how to define problems

Reflecting on problems may not be pleasant, but necessary. For many it is a senseless exercise, since those reflections would only serve to make them feel more distressed. However, what must be avoided is not to reflect on the difficulties, but to analyze them only in general form.

4. Be clear about your rights and those of others

Respect is the basis of good communication and, therefore, of a good relationship with others. Respect means being able to recognize the dignity of others, but also one’s own. In turn, it manifests itself as consideration for one’s own needs and those of others. Also, as a desire to accept each person as they are.

One way to cultivate this respect, both for oneself and for others, is to have clear rights that everyone is entitled to. These rights are associated precisely with the consideration, acceptance and preservation of dignity.

5. Model or eliminate defensive behaviors

Defensive behaviors arise from prejudice and fear. They correspond to all those forms of acting inspired by the fear of being attacked, questioned or confronted. They are one of the results of insecurity. Those who feel self-confident have no problems facing different points of view or lifestyles that do not resemble their own.

The problem is that defensive behaviors often lead to being poorly understanding or even aggressive towards others. The difference is almost taken as an offense. We do not see in it an opportunity for enrichment, but a threat to our person. Recognizing and questioning these defensive behaviors is one of the key elements of assertiveness.

When we learn to be assertive, life becomes easier. Assertiveness is a crucial skill in resolving conflicts, which we inevitably collide with frequently. We learn to make the most of them and turn them into an opportunity to grow.