I Don’t Ask For A Comforting Lie

I do not like the lie that consoles or the half-truths and even less the complete falsehood. I prefer the truth, even if it hurts. Even at the cost of suffering enormously, because at least I will have the freedom to take the path I want and, over time, heal my wounds.

As children, they usually teach us to always tell the truth. Well, in the end, there always comes a time when we resort to the lie for the first time: to avoid punishment, to reach a goal, to adapt to a situation …

It is clear that at times we have all resorted to “half-truths”. Nevertheless, it is clear that there are different degrees of lying, the nature of which often depends on the situation in which we find ourselves. Nothing happens if when asked ” how are we” we respond with “beautifully” . Although it is a lie and we are going through a bad time, we understand how it is a simple formalism with no further relevance.

Falsehood acquires its most negative aspect when with it we harm those around us. There are those who make use of the lie because they fear that the truth will cause too much pain or that the consequences will invest them in an undesirable way.

Lying takes prisoners and condemns us to lead empty, false and lacking in authenticity lives. All of us, without a doubt, are hurt by those behaviors, that attitude of those who say they love us, but who put a blindfold on us while repeating that everything goes smoothly, that nothing has happened.

We invite you to reflect on this aspect.

Lies told out of pity will never be acceptable

A lie told out of pity or to try to console will never be tolerable. None of us have the right to act so patronizingly as to think that the other person is not “valid” or does not deserve to know the truth.

If you have ever been lied to, an annoying amalgam of anger, misunderstanding and sadness will have built up within you.

Disappointment is not always caused by having hidden reality from us, what sometimes makes us impatient is that they thought that we do not “deserve” to know it.

• The lies told out of pity actually conceal a lack of personal maturity on the part of those who tell them, which thus manifests a lack of empathy and social skills.

• Maintaining a relationship, a family bond, a friendship or a couple, implies following an essential ethical code: respect, understanding and emotional integrity, with oneself and with the other person.

• Lying discredits those who practice it and humiliates those who receive it. It is a relationship destined to cause suffering and disillusionment because, whether we believe it or not, falsehoods always end up coming to the surface, just as the sun rises in the morning.

There are those who say it is impossible to practice this “sincerity to the bitter end”, that nothing is silent and reveals everything. It would be a  “sincericide” that equates personal opinions with absolute truths. In this way, it would express them without any kind of filter and regardless of the damage they could cause.

It is much simpler: that my truth makes you free, that my sincerity allows you to grow by taking the desired direction, because in relationships there is no room for lies or silences that hide reality.

The truth hurts once, the lie as often as it remembers

They say that the truth hurts, that the lie kills and that doubt leads to despair. They are all impulses, human emotions that we have experienced on our skin. Nobody is immune from it.

We deserve to establish sincere relationships based on respect and gratitude. While I am certain that we are also entitled to our personal, secret or intimate spaces, there will never be excessive lying in a conscious and mature relationship.

Why do we lie?

At this point, you may be wondering why we use lies. Following are the main explanations:

• To avoid an ending that we don’t want (a negative reaction after revealing a truth, causing pain, being alone …)

• To adapt to a context that we consider threatening or complex (think for example of adolescents and their need to lie about some aspect to integrate into a group)

• To reach a goal (lying in the resume to get a job, lying to a possible partner to win it …)

We all have adopted such behaviors at times. In any case, the most important thing lies not only in telling the truth, but also in knowing how to express it:

• There are people who prefer to live in ignorance, applying the maxims “not knowing so as not to suffer” , “not seeing so as not to cry”.

• Those who prefer to live in lies do so because they are afraid to face the truth and do not know how to handle a difficult situation. In these cases, “turning a deaf ear” proves to be a defense mechanism with which to avoid addressing the problem.

Keep in mind that sincerity is the most important value if you wish to undertake a life project with another person. Always demand the truth, for it will be the only means by which to build that relationship with firmness and integrity.

Never say the opposite of what you think, don’t use lies if you want to be happy and never fear the truth: only it will set you free and allow you to grow as a person.