Escape The Advice Givers

Advice is subjective opinion conveyed by one interlocutor to another with the intention of orienting his or her behavior in a certain way. What is certain is that there are people without preparation or conscience who dispense advice on the life of others. There is usually at least one specimen of this species in each family or group of friends.

Giving advice places us in a position of authority, wisdom and prestige. We tend not to disdain them, because receiving them means – regardless of how much they get it right – that there is someone who cares about us. Instead, they annoy us when we suspect that behind them lies a manipulation strategy to manage our behavior.

Advice givers are another category of toxic person who, showing good intentions, suggests to us what we must and must not do with our life, always based on their experience.

Referring only to their stories, the conclusions they reach are usually not applicable to our case. If you find yourself in front of a person who intrudes into your life without you asking for an opinion, who rattles off arguments with sacchability without knowing what he is talking about and who, moreover, imposes his ideas on you, it means that you have a dealing with a giver of advice and you better walk away.

To give good advice, it is good that this is first of all requested, otherwise we will run the risk of poking our nose where we shouldn’t. Secondly, it is essential to be an expert in the subject in question; so we could provide advice based on science or truth. Finally, the only way to give correct advice is by empathizing with the recipient and trying to see the problem from their point of view and not from ours, which is different.

Anatomy of a Advice Giver

As we have explained, the advice dispenser has several characteristics that allow us to recognize it easily. They are usually people older than us who, due to their age, believe they have more experience (when in reality this is not always the case) and think they are wiser than us.

Sometimes the closest family members, and even the parents themselves, turn into dispensers of advice, even when we have already reached the age of majority. Unfortunately, this help can often negatively affect us, although it is not their intention.

Here are the common characteristics of this psychological profile:

They tend to give trivial advice

“Time makes things right” or “believe in yourself and you will succeed” are the typical advice we read in the magazines for teenagers and then we intend to feed someone else to try to help them. Obviously, these prepackaged tips never work, as even the person we advise knows about them. And he applies them as well, but that’s not what he needs right now.

They have fears that they cannot face and that they project onto our circumstances

Advice givers are usually people with outstanding issues in their lives, who are afraid to face certain situations or have not adequately overcome certain fears. This prompts them to give advice to others in an effort to repair the flaws in their life. Nobody can help someone else if they are the first to have a mind full of ghosts.

Furthermore, often the advice, far from being motivating, is anxious in nature: “don’t do it”, “it’s dangerous”, “what if it doesn’t end well?”; this happens because these people let themselves be guided by the fear they feel.

They are self-centered

A good advice giver always makes suggestions based on me here and me there . Instead of listening to the person in front of him (which would help a lot), as soon as he finishes speaking, he immediately begins the sentences like this: “Well I …”, “It happened to me too and …”. We have all done it to a lesser or greater extent and have seen it done by someone with us.

This does not make us feel understood or listened to. We end up having to listen to this individual. We must not forget that his experience does not have much to do with ours, however similar the events may be.

Everyone has his own baggage of life and, based on it, he has to solve his problem. A professional on the subject would certainly be able to guide you.

They give advice that even they don’t believe

The most likely thing is that the indications provided by a provider of advice are not even put into practice by him, precisely because he does not believe in it. It may be that they contain a great difficulty: maybe they are the right thing to do, but the moment is not the right one because the forces are not enough.

Either way, advice must be realistic, progress-oriented, and person-friendly. General advice like “if you want to quit smoking, you can do it overnight and you can help yourself with chewing gum for anxiety” are not realistic; in this case there are many other techniques that could be employed. Such a suggestion could even harm the individual, putting him under pressure or filling him with anxiety and thus having the opposite effect.

They think we need them because we are not as capable

Advice givers see themselves as “saviors” and think that others are not as well informed as they are, that they are inferior and, therefore, that they badly need them. This attitude is nothing more than a palliative to keep them busy and not make them think about their chores, it is a distraction to not take charge of their life. In fact, no one needs their advice. They are the ones who need our cooperation, so that they can realize their wishes or goals.

Before giving advice to someone who has not asked us or about whom we have no scientific knowledge, we must always remember the following words: