Decisions Are Subjective, Not Perfect

Decisions are subjective, not perfect. It’s a statement that seems obvious, but hard to accept when perfectionism runs through our veins.

We are all aware of the importance of making decisions about our life, especially when it comes to family, work, health or finances. The decisions we make are capable of changing both the situation in which we live and the one in which we will live.

Decision making is evaluated in many personnel selection processes. And it is no coincidence, since it is a necessary work skill, especially when holding positions of responsibility.

On the other hand, one of the obstacles which is easy to run into, and which makes it even more difficult to decide, is represented by the tendency to classify different phenomena within the dichotomy “good and bad”. Thus an implicit judgment is formulated which is not always necessary.

Decisions can range from the simplest, such as choosing what to eat for dinner, to the most complex, such as deciding to donate a kidney. But even in such distant cases, there may be a polarizing classification at the base that contains a judgment that is not always correct. The truth is that in many cases it is not the decisions that are difficult in themselves, but the context that makes them difficult.

For a parent, deciding to donate a kidney to their child can be very simple, however the same person may find themselves in crisis when choosing which furniture to buy for the living room. In this sense, the difficulty of deciding must be distinguished from the difficulty of implementing what has been decided.

Decisions are personal

If the decisions are neither good nor bad, then what are they like? It is easy to say: decisions are subjective, one’s own, personal, individual, shared and free.

Decisions make us live the life we ​​want, playing the cards of our unique and very personal deck. However, despite having a clear theory, it is still difficult to dispel the fear of not having made the best possible choice.

Perfectionism doesn’t let me make decisions

The paradox of perfectionism is that it doesn’t make perfect. Being a perfectionist means never being satisfied with your actions or results. For a perfectionist, it is always more difficult than others to put the final point on a project. When it succeeds, it is almost always because it is influenced by an element of reality associated with that project, for example a delivery date. But when does this stimulus not exist?

Decisions can turn in an instant into chains of results that never come to a conclusion: each decision can give way to another decision. We buy a machine, we choose the brand, the model, the color, the payment method… It is not difficult to realize that the consequent decisions can be numerous and lead to very long processes.

Perfectionists claim that every decision made is perfect, in the illusion of being able to guarantee a result that cannot be improved in any way. Unfortunately, however, every decision has a positive and a negative side, pros and cons, a part in which you “gain” and one in which you have to “let go”.

This is why it is useless to linger too long to think about whether one decision is better than another. Trying to do well, avoid mistakes and achieve the expected result produces considerable psychological stress, and makes it difficult to move forward without being overcome by anxiety.

How not to be a perfectionist when making decisions

Knowing how to manage a decision-making process is considered a valuable skill, especially if it is long and complex. A skill necessary to bring serenity into one’s life.

To avoid that the tendency to perfectionism inhibits this ability and induces high levels of anxiety, we must focus on education, which has always been an essential element for healthy and functional growth. With this in mind, what parents can do to foster the development of their children’s decision-making capacity is:

• Give children responsibilities. During the growing process, children are increasingly able to take on new responsibilities. Entrusting them with new ones as the opportunity arises will also help them develop new skills.

• Avoid being overprotective. Protecting children too much to prevent them from suffering makes little sense. Indeed, it can even be deleterious when we do not allow them to deal with mistakes.

• Help them understand mistakes. Making mistakes you learn, especially when decisions are subjective. Although many parents fear them more than they should, even projecting this vision onto their children, the truth is that mistakes are as necessary as successes. Helping children understand when and where they went wrong, rather than punishing them, will help them understand the right direction to take.

• Encourage reflection, patience and evaluation of options. Helping to reduce the child’s impulsiveness and increase his patience must be done not only in words, but also in deeds, adopting in turn a patient attitude. This will help him understand the need to take time to foster a more balanced decision-making process.

These tips are geared towards ensuring that children can grow up with a high level of self-esteem and self-confidence, as they do not receive any negative reinforcement when they try to take control of their own life. In this way, together with the ability to decide, they also develop their autonomy.

On the contrary, getting angry over decisions that we do not share, constantly resorting to punishment in the face of trial and error, overcoming our children’s wishes with our choices can cause a conflict in the child between “wanting” and “duty”. Always reminding him of only what he “must” in the long run may make it difficult for him to distinguish what he wants from what he needs.

Decisions are subjective, so showing support to those who make them is undoubtedly a much healthier attitude than instilling the fear of making a mistake, without knowing what is really wrong for the other.