Children Need Affection, Not Indifference

In childhood, we build the foundation on which our entire life will be built. A child needs love, acceptance and attention. Unfortunately, however, sometimes the environment in which the child grows up is not ready to meet these needs and gives off indifference, then the foundations will be marked by deep cracks and defects.

There are so many things in the grown-up world that children don’t understand. They don’t have the cognitive skills or the emotional resources to do it. Indifference or rejection can cause deep suffering in children, leave an indelible trace, wounds that struggle to heal.

Many people do not clearly remember the emotions they felt in childhood. They are individuals who manifest problems in adulthood, without understanding their origin. These problems could find an explanation in their childhood marked by the indifference of the people they loved most. Below we will deepen the five characteristics of people who have experienced indifference as a child.

The characteristics of indifference

1. Insensitivity, a sign of childhood

Insensitivity is one of the characteristics that remain in the personality of those who were ignored in childhood. In one way or another, it is a response to this indifference on the part of the person who has been the victim. In the childhood years, numbness fosters a feeling of abandonment and low self-esteem.

In adulthood, insensitivity is expressed through apathy towards others or life in general. There is no enthusiasm or interest in anything. This is because people learned from an early age to inhibit their emotions because the environment did not attach meaning to them.

2. Refusal of the help of others

In childhood, we have a great need for those around us. There are many situations that require support, comfort or advice. If as children we cannot count on this kind of help, then we learn not to expect anything from others. As a result, we become “indefinitely independent”.

We distrust others and their help and try to do it with our own strength. We protect ourselves from emotional experiences that we absolutely do not want to repeat. We don’t want to need others so we can avoid being betrayed. The opposite could also happen: we ask for help with anything, even what we can safely do alone.

3. Feeling of emptiness

The feeling that something is missing is very intense in people who have been victims of indifference during their childhood. They had reserved a space for loved ones, but they never occupied it. This is why now this inner chasm remains unbridgeable.

This feeling of emptiness turns into constant discomfort. Nothing is complete enough to fill these gaps. There is no one who can do it. Sometimes this feeling leads to constant criticism of oneself and others.

4. Perfectionism

Lack of love and attention during childhood has multiple effects on self-perception. A person may develop a thought that what they do is not enough to be appreciated. In children this results in an overly cautious or radically unbearable attitude.

As adults, people ignored as children become extremely perfectionists. This rigidity is a response to the unconscious suspicion that they are not doing everything they can or should do. After all, they continue to be children who want to be appreciated for what they do.

5. Hypersensitivity to rejection

When the child perceives that he is being ignored, he does not feel worthy, he believes he is insignificant. In other words, his existence counts for nothing to others and, therefore, unknowingly, he comes to the conclusion that something is wrong with him. Expresses feelings of inadequacy or illegitimacy.

The echo of this indifference is a hypersensitivity to the criticism of others. Any sign of disapproval is interpreted as a threat. The echo of childhood is renewed, suggesting “something is wrong with you”. Obviously all this is very painful and difficult to bear.

From a neurological and psychic point of view, childhood is a very decisive period of life. This does not mean that bad experiences lived from an early age are irremediable, but that they leave a very deep trace for the rest of life. A person can largely get rid of these burdens, but will have to work hard at it and eventually seek the help of a professional.

Images courtesy of Nicoletta Ceccoli.