The Need To Be With You Suffocates Me

You lived a terrible childhood. Unlike everyone else, you grew up in an unstable family environment. Your parents did nothing but argue, including you in their problems. They used you. Kiss them goodnight almost out of obligation, but never for pleasure. The same happened with hugs. Their effect was neither natural nor habitual. All this has left a mark, a necessity.

This is one of the circumstances that we wanted to take as an example and which shows the importance of education and affection, the real one. Everything that happens to us in childhood will affect adulthood. In this case, we are faced with one of the problems that most affect our society. The need to be with someone to feel complete. However, what happens when it suffocates us rather than relieving us?

The need for what has been denied us

You don’t choose to live in such situations.  These are circumstances in which we see ourselves involved and which are now manifesting their consequences. Constantly seek what has been denied to you. This is why you cling to and always avoid loneliness. You are scared.   

Surely you have never realized this, but project your needs onto others.  Let’s take a simple example. Imagine being with someone you like and suddenly you are cold. Your reaction will be to cover the other first than yourself. The same happens with a lack of love or any other deficiency. You need them to love you, and instead of trying to love yourself, you love another person.

The big problem arises when this need backfires. You give yourself to others, but you don’t get what you need in return. It is precisely in such situations that disappointments appear, when they do not satisfy you, when they hurt you. You surround yourself with people who do not suit you, perhaps because you submit to them, because you let your happiness depend on them.

When you do this, you allow others to hurt you, you don’t protect yourself, you turn into a vulnerable person. Unwittingly, you self-destruct, as you are unable to see that the solution is in your hands. First, it is important that you know that you are self-reliant. If you don’t love each other, no one will do it for you. If you don’t respect yourself, no one in the world will.

Stop being unhappy

As you try to find happiness, you are terribly unhappy.  The insecurity, the fears, everything you fill that suitcase you carry on your shoulders, full of disillusionment, mistrust, toxic relationships… it hurts you, but you still cling to it. You know it’s the only thing you have. Or maybe that’s just what you think?

Do not approve.  Stop being accompanied by someone just because you need crumbs of love, pleasant moments, which you beg so much. Don’t you understand that you deserve so much more? Don’t you realize that such situations make you more fragile, smaller?

Sure you know, but it’s hard to get out of it. Despite this, know that there is no other alternative. The circumstances you live will become more and more difficult, more adverse. Perhaps you are already in a labyrinth that you have built yourself. This is why it is so difficult for you to get out of it.

For some people it is difficult to admit it, to affirm that they are emotionally dependent on others, who are looking for what they have not been given. And you, have you accepted it? This is not the easiest part, quite the opposite. Your need will push you to return to the starting point several times, making everything more difficult. But you are much more than that need, that anxiety.

Force yourself to spend time with yourself. Get away from all the people you have clung to. It will be difficult, and perhaps anxiety will keep you company very often. However, if you resist, you will win, despite the effort made. You will suffer from the so-called withdrawal syndrome. Always remember that emotional addiction is like a drug addiction.

If it is too difficult for you, if you fall constantly, ask for help. Do not be afraid. There are many people who are in the same situation as you and who have managed to move forward. Do not give your life away, stop suffering, giving yourself to others, being unhappy. Don’t allow your need to make fun of you for even one more day.