Complacent Personality: Please Everyone Out Of Fear

The complacent personality is not part of a clinical picture, but is rather the expression of a psychological difficulty. Generally, they are pleasant and well-liked people in the environments in which they move. However, their behavior leads them to pay too high a price, even though they are often unaware of it.

Excessive conditioning characterizes the complacent personality: when it has to make a decision, it tends to turn to the outside. It subordinates thoughts, emotions and wishes to the satisfaction of a single need, that is to win the sympathy of others.

In the complacent personality the feeling of responsibility for the well-being of others prevails, therefore the idea of ​​having to do good to others, because otherwise they would suffer from guilt or fear. The problem is that it ignores its own needs to achieve this goal.

The complacent personality

The complacent personality is formed in childhood and in a context where family conflict predominates. At the origin there is often the figure of a narcissistic father or a controlling mother (also a narcissist), and the order, almost always unconscious, given to the child: “disappear!”.

These parents are convinced that they are always right and generally silence the opinions of their children. They tend to be somewhat unstable, with sudden and inexplicable fits of anger; in these cases they can even be violent. As a result, the children never know how to behave.

It is also possible that the following situations occurred at the origin of the complacent personality, in addition to what has been described:

• Drug-addicted parents. They create unpredictable situations that cause a sense of fear and threat in children.

• Too strict rules and disproportionate punishments for transgressions.

• Extremely conflicting and even violent relationship between parents.

• Father or mother with a histrionic personality. That is, characterized by excesses of drama and a sort of spectacle of physical or emotional pain.

• A depressed or anxious parent.

In these cases, the child probably learns to act as a mediator or moderator in the conflict situation. And, perhaps, he has also learned to be afraid to express himself.

The complacent personality traits

Underlying the complacent personality is the fear of conflict, rejection and abandonment. All actions are conditioned by these fears. In fact, one does not act to affirm oneself, but to avoid that one’s behavior provokes feared reactions.

This is the reason why the welfare of others is pursued without taking personal sacrifice into account. The main traits of the complacent personality are therefore:

• Avoidance of conflict. We give in, even on very important issues, to avoid making others angry or the situation becoming explosive.

• Focus on the needs of others. The needs of others are not questioned or evaluated from a critical perspective, rather everything is done to satisfy them as soon as possible.

• Tendency to take blame. Claiming something for oneself or one’s reason causes a strong sense of guilt.

• Continuous doubts. One is unable to react in problematic situations. You doubt your own feelings and ability to cope with difficulties.

• Tendency to perfectionism. The complacent personality always tries to do things right. After all, she just wants to avoid the possibility of being reprimanded for any mistake or oversight.

• Low self-esteem. She feels reassured only when she receives the approval of others.

• Hypersensitivity. The perception of the rejection or contempt of others is deeply hurt.

Guidelines for change

It often happens that the complacent personality doesn’t even realize they have a problem. In his eyes it is completely “normal” to move around the world trying not to make anyone angry. In fact, he can even perceive her as a virtue, since many approve and extol his so peaceful and submissive ways.

He cannot distinguish the line between being extremely kind and empathetic and giving up on oneself to please and not upset others. To identify this boundary, the relationship with oneself must be redefined.

We must learn to exercise a form of “healthy selfishness”. And if they can’t do it on their own, they can ask for professional help. In any case, it all begins when the complacent person discovers that they too have a right to a place of their own in the world and that they deserve to allow themselves the chance to exist.