You Say I’ve Changed, But You Are The Architect Of My Sadness

Sometimes we look back and try to remember how we used to be. It’s not about remembering our past youth, fifteen or twenty, sometimes we just think about how our character was before compared to how we react and how we feel now. Have we become more cautious? Has our smile lost some of its innocence? Are we more cautious and less optimistic in our reactions?

There are people who make us change. Often, we live relationships that instead of enriching us positively from an emotional point of view, only give us sadness, shortcomings and even fears. We’re not just talking about emotional relationships or about men and women using their skills as if they were emotional manipulators. We also talk about family relationships that can hurt and take away a part of our childhood, of our happiness.

Certainly it will have happened to you sometime in your life. In the middle of a conversation, someone suddenly uses an annoyed tone and lashes out at you: “the fact is that you are not the same as you used to be”, “you are not so funny anymore”, “you don’t have the same dreams anymore and the same light “. What happened? It is possible that the same person who made these comments to you is also responsible for your change.

Personal relationships that are not conducive to personal growth

There are different types of relationships that, in fact, do not help you grow as emotionally strong, confident and happy people because you can count on someone to share every step, every experience with. It doesn’t matter if it’s your partner, family or even friends, there are clearly harmful people who can change the way you see and deal with life. However, it is emotional relationships that involve the greatest emotional cost and that can most change you as a person.

At this point, have you ever wondered what changes in your character depend on? Take note of the following aspects.

Changes in the emotional register

Maybe before you were emotionally open people, very receptive, cheerful, optimistic. However, when faced with a situation where, instead of being appreciated, you only receive contempt, criticism or blame, your character undergoes changes.

You no longer show your emotions, but you keep them hidden, love is no longer full of illusions, but of pain and uncertainty and there is nothing worse than not knowing where to hold on or seeing that the balance of your life is not. more in balance. You have invested so many dreams, your happiness and your efforts and you have received only sadness in return.

Exploiting cognitive distortion

If before you had a strong view of yourself and your self-esteem allowed you to see the world from all points of view, now your outlook has narrowed a lot. The mirror reflects the image of a frustrated person, a person unable to get out of the vicious circle in which he finds himself because self-esteem has turned into a feeling of inferiority.

Changes in self-perception

If a person has shown optimism, open-mindedness, affection and humility and received only contempt, teasing and criticism in return, then the first thing they will realize is that the other person, who said they loved them, in actually it doesn’t. Either he doesn’t do it au pair or as he should be in a healthy relationship. Then, it is very likely that he develops a negative idea of ​​himself for being wrong, for having deluded himself, for having invested time, feelings and energy in a person who really did not deserve it at all.

It will certainly have happened to you. You misjudge the other person, but at the same time you have negative self-perception, which is very dangerous because emotional damage often turns people into victims. And it is something that must instead be faced and won.

I’ve changed, but I’m moving on

They have deceived you and hurt you. Perhaps in your life you have met various “sculptors of sadness” because there are all kinds, all kinds and with many masks. So it is important to reflect on some aspects, even if “something inside you has changed”:

• Perhaps you are no longer the people you used to enjoy life to the fullest and you are no longer so innocent because by now you know the pain of disappointment. The first thing you will have to do is get out of whatever situations cause you suffering, don’t allow yourself to become a victim. Courage!

• Accept the past, it is part of you and you have to metabolize it. You have suffered, they have let you down and you have tasted the greatest sadness imaginable. What’s the point of denying it? Accept it and you will see that, day after day, you will feel less and less the weight of suffering.

• You are not your sadness, you are the people who accepted it and left it behind. You are your present, your “here and now”. The past pain must remain in the past, in fact, as a warning to learn to move forward with safety.

Image courtesy of Lucy Campbell.